matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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