Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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