I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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