my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
