I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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