i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
