HIV tests are more positive than that guy
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
