I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
