I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize