im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm at about main and main street
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
