So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Dignity is for republicans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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