Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
