Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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