we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
