I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize