The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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