Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
