big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
