exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
