Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You're like the curious george of whores
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
