woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
