Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
