I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
