i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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