fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
