Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
