I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
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I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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