oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
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the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
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Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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