I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
