you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
