Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
