dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize