Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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