He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
