textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
