If that was your dad, he is hot
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I want a musical about memes.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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