is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
