weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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