apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
