You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
