she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
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Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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