Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
