I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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