i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
