Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
