I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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