Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
