Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
