I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
