My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
