My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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