i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
