I wish I only lived at night.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
