i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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