Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Bring me that man meat
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize